Category Archives: Personal Favs

To Those Who Would Not Meet My Eyes (If They Knew)

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When I was about ten years old, I received a present from my aunt (actually a cousin twice removed, I think, but I always called her “Tati” – Auntie – and so that is who she shall remain) that I carry around with me to this day, much like my cherished teddy-bear and my newer companion, my teddy-bunny.

My auntie is a writer, which is quite a magnificent and wondrous thing to be. Every now and then, she’d send me a box full of books she’d written and I’d be delighted. I too wanted to be a writer when I grew up (as well as a cat, and a mermaid, etc.) so the books bearing her name were proof that it was possible to become a real live author.

I’d always pick up her books with the intention of reading them cover to cover but I never got very far. Being a strong reader, I could understand the books just fine but they were always about – no offense, Auntie – boring things. Acclimatization to a new reality, separation from one’s family, solitude, fear, hope, hope, hope. Loss, tragedy, pain. Growth. I don’t know if there were happy endings; I never made it that far into the stories. Read the rest of this entry

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On Being a Happy Person

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To be free requires effort. To be happy requires skill.

I am a freedom artist.

I make serenity, passion, pleasure and faith look effortless. It is my daily act, my performance.

If you look closer, you will see that my spirit is bruised and trembles with the strain of holding itself aloft so beautifully in a world of heavy burdens. Misery, regret, fear, turmoil and shame weight me down so mightily, they leave gravity green-eyed.

I am free not like a bird flies but like a ballerina leaps.

When you see my brightness, know that it hides a small universe of shadows that work in dark costumes to arrange the stage of my life so that I may shine shine shine and astound you.

Do not mistake my exertion for a miracle. Do not mistake my lifetime of endless trying for a blessing.

To all those who see me smile and dismiss my joy as naive, my hope as ignorant, my faith as baseless… My darkness is a space deeper and vaster than you can imagine. My shadows could eat you alive. My abyss will gaze into you if you come near enough to see its reflection in my eyes.

MY SMILES HAVE MANY TEETH.

To all those who see me rejoice, worship and pray, know this:

My happiness is not an easy thing for me to display. My passion is not effortless. I suffer for my freedom every day. I practice my liberation from my burdens for hours.

I leap for perfection, stroke its fulfilling breadth with a dainty hand then land, heavy-hearted elegance.

Sometimes, I fall. Sometimes, I break.

I wait. I heal. I grieve. I wake. I rise. I toil.

I am late for my let me show you who I am what I can do all I will be.

I run. I run. I run.

I catch up to myself.

I dance again.

Are you awed now? Do you recognize my skills now?

Do you see me?

Come closer. Here are front row seats to my performance of my existence.

Look keenly. You will see me breast the effort of holding my soul so high, it brightens your day and lights up your path (you ingrate). Look at me. You will see my soul’s sweat drip drip drip from my eyelashes.

Am I not brilliant in my craft? Am I not equally magnificent in my exertion to fabricate myself?

I am a freedom artist. I am a manifestor of dreams.

Admire the the fruits of my pleasure, Witness.

WATCH MY SPIRIT SOAR!

Resisting Hunger: The Dark Side of the Marshmallow Experiment

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Resisting Hunger: The Dark Side of the Marshmallow Experiment

The Dark Side of the Marshmallow Experiment

What does it say about a child when they feel hungry yet are still capable of maintaining the self-control necessary NOT to eat the single marshmallow they are offered, preferring instead to wait fifteen whole minutes to get two marshmallows? Most people agree that it says they will be successful later on because they can, from an early age, calculate short versus long-term benefits and plan for the future. Such planning is an essential life-skill because, obviously:

  1. Short-term benefits and long-term benefits are never the same thing in the final term, i.e by the end of a person’s life, and
  2. Long-term benefits are always better than short-term benefits.

Right? Right?

Wrong. Read the rest of this entry

The Western Gate

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There is, in my core,

a child

who loves and never grows

nestled in the protective purity of

safe darkness

where faith does not permit

monsters enter.

 

There is, in my core,

an ocean of silent tears

from the child

who is bled and learns

again and again

that monsters

don’t live outside.

Mayflies to Mountains (Memorial in My Mind)

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It’s like a memorial in my mind.

Time has worn away the stone’s face

But the words remain

Carved

 

In layers of rock’s veins

We are mayflies to the mountains.

 

The sword in the stone was plunged

           (Does the ache linger?)

Then hid from our hundred eyes

           (Has our wound sealed?)

 

We are mayflies

To those mighty mountains.

 

Our battles are always lost

Only to begin with every sunrise.

We are dead.

We are born.

Read the rest of this entry