I Need Your Support More Than Your Help

Standard

To help me means you walk with me, helping me carry my burdens. It means you brace me. It means I lean upon you to bear my weight when I am weary. If you help me, you are my companion, my assistant, my crutch, my buttress.

I do not need your help, however much I may enjoy having it.

To support me means that you are like the wind or the ground upon which I walk. You do not have to be kind to me or favour me. Your displeasure and lack of appreciation is merely an inconvenience to my journey the same way walking in a storm means sometimes being downwind of a great gust of air or a hiker sometimes travels terrain that is rough and mountainous. I do not fear the effort of overcoming your hate, your apathy, your dislike or disapproval of my person. I am not afraid of mean people.

But I dread the idea that you might cease to support me.

To support me, you need only be steady enough that I can have faith you will not sweep me into the air like a tornado and break me somewhere I did not want to be or give out beneath my feet as if you were quicksand or an earthquake. To support my dreams does not mean to walk towards them with your hand in mine but rather to never try to break my spirit.

Never tell me that I am not good enough. Never tell me that I can’t do something. Never tell me that I am unworthy. Never tell me that I won’t succeed. Never tell me that I’m on the wrong path when the path I am walking is the one appropriate for my nature. Never tell me that my dreams are unworthy of me, of you, of the world, of existing.

If you cannot or will not help me make my dreams come true, that is fine. No matter how extravagant they may be, my dreams are always close enough for me to reach them without using you as my crutch, even if it means that I have to hobble painfully for a short distance or a long time. If I you do not help me at the very least freely give me your support by being a steady environment for me.

Do not disrupt the foundation of self-confidence I need to create my dreams into reality. Do not rattle my faith in myself by telling me that I do not, will not, am not someone who deserve to succeed, regardless and however I may define “success”.

I do not need you to like me or to ease my way any more than I need the weather to be clear or a road to be flat for me to take a walk with bared hopes (even though it’s definitely a more pleasant experience when it is). I have never been wary of meandering upon a difficult, unbeaten, tempestuous or tiring road but I have learned to be terrified of the way you move to break my dreams whenever I would start on my path. This is why I never dared run towards my future. I have always reacted to you like prey because you have always hunted my hopes. I prayed that if I stood still, you wouldn’t notice me and rip the faith in myself from my spirit.

I cannot stay still anymore. If I do not move, my spirit starves because there is no happiness to nourish me where I am. I must travel. I must wander. I must walk the path that I know will lead me to my success, my spiritual survival and my fulfillment. If I do not progress, I will die; there is no other option, possibility or choice.

I do not need you to like me. I do not need you to trust me. I do not need you to have faith in me. I do not need you to love me. I do not need you to help me. I do not need you to be my friend.

I need you to be like the air, like the earth. I need to inhale your presence so that I can live in our shared society and I need to walk upon your mercy so that I can reach myself, my destination.

I need you to grant me safe passage.

I need you to not treat my dreams like they are prey.

I need you to not be the resistance I have to overcome to be able to start moving.

I need you to be peaceful to me.

I need your support, which is why I ask you kindly for your mercy.

If you are unable or unwilling to be my friend and my helper please be merciful and do not harm me. I request of you your leniency and your clemency because I want to be your friend. It is in same this spirit of friendship that I offer you the gift of my greatest secret; one so deeply hidden, I only just recently discovered it myself… Dear Hydra-like Society and all the of the Not-Yet-Friends  voices you echo, I wish to tell you with-in confidence:

I am not prey.

I am a predator too.

MY SMILES HAVE MANY TEETH.

I need you to stop trying to kill my dreams because I have grown into my claws and fangs and I will not hesitate to go for your throat if you continue to try to kill my soul. We exist in the same environment, you and I, and we can continue to coexist peacefully if you grant me safe passage – your support – through the journey that is living, just as I swear to always grant you mine. Even if we never become allies, we do not have to be at war.

I ask you for your mercy, which is why I expect to receive your respect: your neutral acceptance of my dreams, of my person.

I forgive you for the terror you caused me as a child. I forgive you for being the monsters in my head and in the magazines, books, movies, CDs and miscellaneous media under my bed. It is because I want to be your friend that I also gift you with this warning:

I have forgiven you because I have survived you long enough to become a grown predator so powerful that I can afford to give my mercy to all those who once terrorized me. I am powerful now because the years I spent being hunted as a cub have hardened my bite.

I ask you for mercy because I know that my teeth are sharper than yours.

You would be performing an act of self-preservation by granting it.

Advertisements

3 responses »

    • How do I find this? Experience, I suppose. I’ve learned to heed my instincts when they tell me someone is dangerous. Modern-day predators won’t eat me but they will drain me of my energy and good-will towards myself and others by debasing me and taking from me things to which they have no right. Resistance is what I encounter when I am met with negativity. A “no passage” that offers no alternative path. In those times, I make my own path.

      Most people, I have found, offer neither resistance, help or support. Their paths simply never cross with mine. But those who do often DO support me, not necessarily because I am worthy of it (though I am) but because they are worthy of support and often didn’t have it when they needed it and so wish to break the cycle by creating in the world a goodness that they themselves may have lacked. Or, at least, I think that’s why they support me, and sometimes help me.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s